Where feet may fail (to sir, with love II)

My earliest memory of my dad is him coming from school and me running up to him, all dirtied and barefoot and jumping onto him. He’d throw me up several times – and actually let go – it felt like flying. I wasn’t the lightest four year old either. I guess this is like that thing mum says: no elephant is tired by its tusks. We lived in the school compound of the school he used to teach in. Soon after that, mum had to move to Nairobi for work, after the company she worked for went under. Then it was just dad, Aunty Beaty, Sylvia and us. And I remember him sitting over me daily to make sure I ate Weetabix before school, which I hated. Eating in the morning has never been a strong point.

Through the better part of my nursery school and class one at that school where apparently these guys were too, it was dad who was there, when I was sick, naughty, or needed anything. He took me to the doctor and placed in me the fear of God when I was being me. Mum always came at the weekend, with fries she bought from Nairobi, and I used to cry for the last bit, so my brothers started giving me my own plate.

Then mum changed jobs to Western and she took us with her, and now it was he who came over every weekend. With sweet bananas and milk on two bodaboda bicycles. When it was still those hug-me-by-force matatus, every Friday without fail, and he still lifted me, but the throwy-throwy no. We looked forward to the weekend, up until Sunday evening, when we had these devotions led by him, okay we had them daily, but this Sunday one, if you had been bad, it wasn’t good for you.

Why am I saying all these? I wasn’t the exemplary child. I was any typical stubborn child. But I didn’t struggle much through adolescence. I didn’t have many peer pressure issues. I was Christian as soon as I understood what that meant, and I’ve been since. And it’s been hard, but I think it would be harder if I wasn’t. It dawned on me, much later than it should have, that I learnt to accept the love of Jesus because I saw that in my dad. He was no joke when I needed berating, but right after, he was done and back to his zesty jesty touchy-feely self. I learnt to lean on God as a Father because my father taught us how fathers should behave. He did well, considering. He did more than well… I know what I want for my own children’s dad.

It’s his birthday today. Some would know he’s been sick for slightly over five months now. Last month I could finally summon up the courage to make my requests known to God, and I asked that his birthday find him home with us. God has been so faithful. He did what He’s been doing all my life; He worked for our good behind the scenes. And I am so thankful. I have to say I am so thankful. that he is home, and on the mend. My father gave me the one thing I treasure above all else – my relationship with Christ. That train up a child verse, I think it’s true, because I have seen it work for us, through our crises and wild phases. Somehow God was always there. And this man.

So I am grateful. Because he really is getting better. And our family is stronger than it was. I’ve learnt trust anew. I’ve learnt to love anew. I have seen miracles happen before my eyes. I know probably mum and Aunty Beaty can tell a better story. But I only have this. I know He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself.

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

[x6]

I will call upon Your Name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine