somewhere in the middle you'll find me

Many times, like every other writer I've got a lot to say, so much that sometimes I don't even know how to begin. That is usually the way of it. So I sit here tonight, buried in the midst of all that usual mumbo jumbo... but maybe today I can sift through it and try and make sense of this non-sense.

Casting crowns sang that 'Somewhere in the middle' song, and right now sioni how else I can describe the state I'm in, because their words just seem to fit the bill so perfectly, I wonder how many people out there understand this:

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me


Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me


Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control...

 There are times I'm sure I've got a little bit of it  figured out, but over the past few weeks I've started to feel like I'm drowning under all the pressure of who my friends think I should be, what I should be putting on my head, what I should be listening to... It's all so jumbled up... Should I just conform without conviction, is God using them maybe and I'm just too stubborn to listen, what is it that everyone wants of me? I don't want to pretend that I don't care what people think, I do, certain people can shutter me with just one sentence. I'm probably a little more liberal than your average Christian, especially with stuff like clothes, music,, the works. And I feel stuck in the middle of both ends: extreme conformation (but I'm still in the world, aren't I?) or being lukewarm (that doesn't get me very far)... It's all so very confusing!! Like them, I find myself stuck somewhere in the middle, and with all my heart I wish things were just a little bit clearer. Maybe it's all wrong, all of it. Maybe all my foundations,the basis of all my arguments are wrong... But if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?